Writer's Block
by LttleDvl
Summary: Another Crack! Fic. Think it's easy to write fanfic? Think again, especially if you have 'willing' help. First written as a bad fic contest submission, my beta thought it wasn't bad enough for that. She ROFL & LMAO'd all over it. I'll let you be the judge


Okay, so here we are again on some stupid world named PX-blahblahwhatever. We see our intrepid team harrowing off into the distance. Hauling asses away from the stargate in the midst of being shot at.

Shot at by what you ask? Who cares? You have an imagination, use it! Bullets, arrows, phaser, transmatter beams - pick one.

So where were we already? Oh yah, running from the stargate (now stop asking the author stupid questions, it's distracting). Being shot at. The team dives for the cover of a stand of trees, returning fire at their hereto unseen antagonists.

What's hereto mean? Go get a damned dictionary for crying out loud!

Ronan provides cover fire for Sheppard as he moves around in an effort to see who is shooting.

Suddenly the shooting stops.

Why?! Does it really matter? Maybe they ran out of power for their ray-guns. Geesh!

A small lime-green humanoid figure with citrisy colored hair emerges. It addresses the team: "Why are you here? From where have you come from?"

Sheppard speaks up: "We're travelers. We arrived here by way of the stargate. We mean you no harm."

The odd orange man looks at Sheppard as if he is trying to size him up: "We are a very cautious people by nature. We have been hunted all of our lives by the Wangsnozzers, Wogglehorns, vicious Doodlewhangs and Wicnious Dniks."

Sheppard raises an eyebrow. "Why would anything hunt you or your people?"

"They prey upon us of course. We really don't know why, that was never explained in the movie."

What? No it's not an oompa-loompa! Just because it sorta sounds like one. Don't you know? Ooompa-loompas had orange skin & green hair, not lime-green skin and citrus colored hair. Besides, oompa loompas were hunted by Snozzwangers, Hornswogglers, wicked Whangdoodles and Vermicious knids not the, uh, those, um - whatever I said up there!

Man, I am so in need of a smoke break now! Before I can no longer overcome the urge to kill a certain bystander.

After much conversing between Sheppard and the strange small humanoid (No, I can't think of any more dialogue at the moment, thank you very much. It's all your fault, you know - if you'd just be quiet maybe I'd wouldn't be having these problems. Writers' block is nothing compared to having a back-seat writer.)

The smell of citronella wafts through the air during the walk as the little band of native humanoids lead the team to their village. Where they are offered food & drink. Rodney of course doesn't want any just in case there is any citrus-like fruit involved.

Oh, what the hell now! Why would he suspect citrus? Just look at their hair for crying out loud! Citrisy-colored hair ringing a bell?

Yes, he would avoid their food & drink based on that. Logically, there must be some really high citrus content in their foods - just look at what colors they are!

No, I think that's a perfectly logical argument for McKay. Besides, he's recently been shot at by small brightly colored people, haven't you noticed that McKay gets rather wound up after a bout of personal safety issues?

After another discussion between the natives & the team, (I'm totally drawing a blank on any dialogue here at all now.) they come to an equitable arrangement. These people will help provide food for the Atlantis population in exchange for some protection against all the various denizens that prey upon these strange folks.

Why? Because after much discussion - no clue for dialogue, your fault, remember - the description given to the team of all the other things here sounds like a prime source for meat. Probably will taste like chicken. Long as it doesn't taste like squirrel, tough & kinda wiry. Plus it's really hard to catch those little buggers.

No, not them, the squirrels. Pay attention!

Our team arrives back on Atlantis to report of the new trade agreement with the, um, Munchkins as Sheppard has dubbed them.

Shut up! Not a word!

Dr. Weir is glad to have yet another source of food resources for the city. She feels bad for having to rely on the Athosians so much.

Like you would know what Dr. Weir feels, she's not exactly the most forthcoming when it comes to feelings, ya know! Geesh! You want this thing to end or not?

What!?!

What do you mean I can't end it like this?

It's horrible?!

Well, maybe, Ms. almighty & powerful Oz, it would have been much better if you hadn't interjected some snarky comment every 5 seconds while I was trying to write the damn thing!

It is too your fault!

Is so!

Fine!

You're so smart, you write it!

I so need coffee now!! Who cares what time it is, I have coffee immunity. Just shut up & leave me alone already!


End file.
